her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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