it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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