I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Sext me about skeletons
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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