Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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