Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
