you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
