I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
