one might say we're banned from that church
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
