How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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