Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
