It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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