You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize