She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
