3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
