I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
