Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
