I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I understand Curling. That high.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
