Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
