try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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