She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
