Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
