i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
