brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
