SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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