if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
