just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
