We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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