If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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