Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
