who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
