its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Alive.
So much puke
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
