I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
