Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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