My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
