butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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