Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
