rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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