yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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