I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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