In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
