I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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