I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
