I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
