So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
