Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
