got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
