But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
