Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
your thong is hanging out like whoa
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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