Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
