Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize