I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
