I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
