He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
