i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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