I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
