Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
