Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
