Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
