the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
