I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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