Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
