I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
