well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
