girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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