How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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