Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
