New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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