Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
