New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
