my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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