and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
