Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
