well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
