We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
