Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
