All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize