She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Please don't give away my fajitas
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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