She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
