the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
