SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize