She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
