I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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